fairytale/

Fairytale
'cause I don't care for your fairytales You're so worried about the maiden though you know She's only waiting on the next best thing Snow White is doing dishes again cause What else can you do With seven itty-bitty men? Sends them to bed and calls up a friend Says will you meet me at midnight? The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says Would have cut it myself if I knew men could climb hair I'll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows

Wednesday, December 05, 2012,

I've got this annoying tug in my heart

The school term is half over in a blink of an eye. It's been a week since I ended my torturous finals but I don't feel that much liberated tbh, cos I only have one week to breathe and then other commitments are gonna dominate my life.

And that week of liberation is about to end in a couple of days :( I really, really can't wait for next semester to come and go. Quicker than it did this sem. I am not gonna hide this anymore - I'm really exhausted from all that heavy responsibility. As much as I seem to be handling the pressure well, I can honestly tell you that it is very on-the-surface. 1) It is far from being an easy job, and 2) Im not that good at it. It's driving me mad - it drove me mad - and I secretly broke down in my room many times because I cannot handle it all that well. The most upsetting of it all is that my grades, which are nowhere near the top to begin with, are suffering. I don't want this added responsibility to cause me to be unable to realise my dream. My GPA is still not meeting the cut for taking honours, and if I don't do honours, I don't know where I will go with just a degree in Psychology. And I do not want to end up being a school counsellor. No thanks.

Yeah I always tell myself that grades aren't important because at the end of the day, it doesn't really dictate your life. Which is true. But only half true. Cos if you wanna do what you really wanna do, you gotta make sure that you get your grades right. The fact is that if I don't do my Masters, I can just set fire to my dream.

Time management. Yeah many people could handle studies and added commitments at the same time, and still get good grade points. But I am not them. Somehow, no matter how hard I work, I am still that average scorer. I really did try to manage my time. But I don't even have time on my hands, let alone manage it. And I'm one of those who has to spend 3 hours studying the same material others can do in just 1. Because I'm a slow learner.

And now I've only got 45$ in my bank, only able to survive thanks to my boyfriend who has been generously giving me some pocket money. I am wishing with all my soul that I could make good use of his month-long holiday to work my ass off, to see some solid figures in my bank account but... a wish is but a wish. I can't, because I'm tied down by other commitments again.

But all that aside. I'm still surviving this entire episode of my life cos I constantly hang on this thought: whatever I'm doing now is worth it. In the long run. I do not just believe so, I know so. So pardon my complaints. It's just a little hard for me to breathe now, so I need some space to vent.

I will survive December.

I really miss the boyfriend though :'(